The Missed Path In The Forgiveness Journey!

Constantly remembering and reliving the painful memories keep us anchored in the pits of sorrow to endure the scorching pain of one’s own hell. An inner pain that burns holes in the soul.

Crying may create some amount of relief but the flood of tears would not out the flame of pain. Swirling in the constant thoughts of things that one cannot change is like drowning over and over without a moment’s chance to surface for breath.

The mind plays games to manipulate one’s self-worth and self-esteem and one desperately searches for a magical tool to turn back the hands of time. To re-do things. To re-create the desired story. To be more aware of the lies and deceit that lurk so well camouflaged.

We are often told that we can’t change the past and should stop fretting about it. But how can you do that when many keep reminding you of your faults and flaws? How can you improve when you are constantly pushed down in the dark hole that you are so desperately trying to climb out from?

And to lift your spirit higher, another will come around and say, “Just forgive them! They don’t know better!” So now on top of trying to figure out how to forgive the people from the past, you are now expected to forgive those who are not helping you in the present. Seriously!

How can I truly forgive another if I am not sure what true forgiveness feels like? Forgiving others is important but I believe that it is more important for me to first learn to forgive myself. If I can’t forgive myself, can I truly forgive another? How can I forgive, if I don’t understand what forgiveness feels like?

I need to forgive myself for accepting hurtful words or actions. I need to forgive myself for not being confident enough or loving myself enough or trusting myself or respecting myself.

I need to forgive myself first and that is the path that I missed! I can not share or extend what I do not understand.

How Do I Know If I have Truly Forgiven?

Some say that they can forgive but they can’t forget. What is the purpose of forgiving and what exactly happens when you ‘truly’ forgive?

True forgiveness allows you to move on with life. True forgiveness means letting go of the anger, hurt, resentment, guilt. When you have truly forgiven (yourself and others) you will feel lighter. Resentment and anger will weigh you down and affect your health, relationships and your life overall.

In my opinion, you will know that you have truly forgiven the person who ‘hurt’ you when:

• You can be around the person and not be stirred by the sight of them. That is, no anger, no rage, no anxiety, etc.
• You can hear the person’s name and not feel your face getting scorching hot or your body muscles tightening or your mind doing somersaults.
• You can think of the person without feeling anxiety.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the past and the hurt that I have accepted from others and the following thoughts come to mind:

• If they knew better, they would have acted differently.
• Why didn’t I trust, love, and respect my ‘gut feeling’?
• Is there a reason that the person has acted this way?
• Am I paying out old karmic debt?
• What lesson am I to learn from the experiences that I have had?

Stepping Forward

Each thought is a new seed. Nourish the seeds with love, kindness, respect. Each moment deserves the opportunity to blossom into something truly beautiful. Here are a few seeds to consider:

• I cannot change the past but I can learn from my experiences and I can have an impact on my future.
• It is not my life mission to correct people’s impression of me.
• It is my duty to live every moment to the best that I can.
• It is not my life mission to make people like, accept, forgive, or respect me.
• It is my duty to love, accept, respect, and forgive myself.

Have you ‘truly’ forgiven yourself? Have you ‘truly’ forgiven others? Search deep and be honest because true change can only come about from being honest with yourself.